"Suit the action to the word,"

Friends Only

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 17:17:25 GMT

Okay so I just did a wee friends list trim. I don't think I took off anyone who is going to be overly upset at the loss as the ones I did snip had picked me up for my fanfiction, which is on indefinite hold. I promise it was nothing personal, merely my desire to keep to my fairly private life, private.

Going forward a lot of my rambling here will be of a personal nature and as such does not need to be out for all the world to read so this journal is going Friends Only. Those friends who I kept (a lot of you!) don't need to recomment to be added, you're still on the list but anyone new going forward who wants to hear from me will need to comment to be added.

In the meantime, I give you a pretty banner to stare at. :)

Good Lord...it's been awhile

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 15:10:15 GMT

Wow... I just saw how long it's been since I've posted anything here. Let's see, updates for anyone who might be interested! :D

1) Schmoo is growing like a weed. He's now 27 months old, over 3feet tall and 30+ lbs. He is learning how to swim, jumps off the diving board like a little pro and climbs anything and everything he can get near. He knows his ABCs, can count to 30 (with assistance to keep him on track) and is actually reading. He'll open a book while in the car seat and I'll hear him back there reading the words or sometimes just pronouncing them carefully. He's got all his 'At' words down and his daycare provider says they'll be working on 'and' words in the Fall. We took him down to his first concert just this past Wednesday. The Wiggles. He was a little trooper, loved the metro ride (puts him 1 up on Mummy) cheered and clapped along with the music and was utterly entranced by the whole show. Btw, if you have small people and a chance to see them, the Wiggles put on an awesome show. It is all about the children and they will not hesitate to skew off script to spend time with the kids. They're wonderful.

2) Work...sucks. But I am going back to school this fall on the employer's dime so I grin and bear it, for now.

3) Creatively, I still can not write stories as I used to. The condo is just too small and Schmoo is too active for me to be able to settle in and concentrate for any length of time. Even when Schmoo is asleep, Hubby will be there, playing a video game or watching TV and I just can't focus like I need to in order to write. That said, I do have a couple of LJ based RPs I am trying to keep up with. I play James Wilson at fandom_high (the really good crack btw, light and fun with some structure that keeps you thinking.) and an OC called James Brycen at brambleton which is a period RP set in Regency England. We're not entirely historically accurate but we have fun and stick close to period.

4) As you can probably tell by the icon, I am a House_MD addict. It is the only 'fictional' TV show that I make time for anymore. I am also going to make time for the new James Bond flick in November. I have recently discovered a love of Daniel Craig (Layer Cake anyone?) and am very interested to see how they take Bond back to his roots. I read Casino Royale the novel and am fascinated by the fact that Bond was originally written as a much more complex character. He's gotten so campy (I came in to Bond in the Roger Moore era) that I think it's been forgotten so it'll be interesting to see them go back and Craig is definitely the man to pull it off.

Okay...err...that's all for now. I might try more in depth on each of the above subjects (I live to bash Cameron btw...just warning you now Flist) as inspiration strikes.

For Bonne and Von

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 04:11:52 GMT

Crossing fingers and thinking the best thoughts for you guys. Contact when you can dears.

<3 <3 <3

Laekin and Schmoo

Step Away from the American Media

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 13:54:37 GMT

Okay, take a breath...and take a step away from the American Media.

Those of you who know me know that I am a newspaper brat in that my father is an editor for one of the major national papers -yeah I know what the HELL happened to me with my spelling, I am the bane of his existance- and has been all my life so I grew up in the 'back office' if you will of the ins and outs of the American Media machine.

That said I again suggest, take a break from the American Media. If you want to keep up to date on the facts of the situation in New Orleans but need a break from the OMGSENSATIONALISM try the BBC or a Canadian news source. I went out last night and read the BBC website updates and was impressed with the compassion showed but also the even handed fact relation so that's why I suggest BBC at the moment.

The American media is going to generate as much sensationalism and drive the political warfare breaking out over this situation through the ceiling and it's very hard to sift out the facts through the spin doctoring. The American Media wants to play on your heartstrings, they want to sell stories, they want to get the scoup and they will put new and shakey as hell spins on known facts in an effort to sell information you've already heard in new horrifying package.

So if you can't bring yourself to step away from the news completely, try a news source that doesn't have an agenda, either financial or political at this point.

Just a suggestion.

That said, I'm now going to the Humane Society website to donate.

Onwards and Upwards

Sat, 13 Aug 2005 12:31:28 GMT

Well for the first time in my RP life, which is about 13 years of time, I got kicked off an RPG.

I was told that there were complaints on the way I played my character. This came as a surprise to me because while I knew there were things that needed to be talked about between myself and the mod, I was never told other people had problems.

I wish I had been. I wish that people had come to me, asked questions told me what was bothering them so that it could have been discussed and changes could have been made rather then a sudden final blow up. Maybe conversations could have happened, understanding could have been reached and this wouldn't have needed to happen.

Communication...

It's so very important in this medium. It is vital to any RP and RPG and if anything I just encourage those folks on my FList who play in RPS on line to keep the lines of communication wide open. The thing that bothers me about this situation is there never was any, even when I asked for it. I thought that it was understood that IC was IC, OOC was OOC and if there were questions they would be raised and addressed. I guess I missed something along the way because I thought things were going good.

So...I was told I had to go. So I went.

Do kind of wish I hadn't seen the advertisement for the character being open posted about 90 seconds after I posted my goodbye. I would have liked to have thought I left some good memories behind.

I don't know.

I guess I never did.

sadsadmonkey I know you have Matthew involved in the game but I'm probably going to keep that plot idea. I was looking forward to writing out that idea of mine and since it's not viable for me now I do want to pursue it where I can.

Onwards and Upwards

Disturbing Trends

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 16:55:39 GMT

http://www.wtop.com/?sid=547456&nid=25

This story disturbs me on a number of levels. As a mother of a young child obviously it disturbs me. As many of the people who might read this would not be aware of the geography, this woman did this and kept on driving for almost 2 hours before the police stopped her. This was a not a case of drop off, drive a few feet and see if a lesson was learned. She wasn't coming back. Secondly, I-495 is probably one of the busiest roads on the East Coast. That good semaritans found this child and not an accident with a tractor trailer or a predator is a gift from somewhere to this little boy.

It is impossible for me to wrap my mind around how someone could think like this but at the same time...it fits in disturbingly well with something I've been thinking about recently.

There is a lot of talk about the effects of the internet and e-mail, especially e-mail in the corporate world. My company -which you all know how well we all communicate...or don't- is a prime example of what is called managing through e-mail. Very rarely is there any face to face interaction and it's safe to say that this remote form of management allows for a certain...disassociation between people.

People...become disposable commodities in this cyber world. It becomes way to easy to forget that there is a person on the other end of that e-mail or that IM. A person with quirks and foibles, feelings and hopes. It's easy for managers to loose sight of their employees as people with families and senses of humor, strengths and weaknesses.

It becomes way to easy to think of people as nothing more than a flip of the power switch, a click of the mouse a stroke of the enter key.

Makes me wonder if that sentiment is starting to manifest itself outside the cyber world as well. When I worked as a Vet tech I saw it all the time with people's pets.

Cat clawed the furniture...put it down.
Cat needed insulin for the rest of it's life to control diabetes...too much work, get rid of it.
I read an article where a man brought his pets into the local shelter to have them destroyed because he was going on vacation and didn't want to pay boarding fees.

Now, we have a mother leaving her 4 year old child on the side of a dangerous busy freeway...HITTING HIM with the car when he tried to get back in and driving off with no more thought about him then if he was an empty soda can she threw out the window.

It's disturbing...

.......

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 19:07:20 GMT

*Crawls up on datenshiblue Bonne's lap and seeks out a hug.*

Harry Potter Meme -Why not?

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 17:13:17 GMT

Yoinked from sadsadmonkey in celebration of the 6th book coming out.

*A Random Harry Potter Survey!*
Name	Laekin
Age	33
Birthday	I have one, yes
Age when you first read Harry Potter	27
Favorite Book	PoA
Favorite Character(s)	Dumbledore, Lupin, Snape
Favorite Proffesor(s)	Dumbledore, Lupin, Snape
Favorite House	Ravenclaw
Favorite Quidditch Team	The underdog
Favorite Couple	of what?
Favorite Magical Animal	Unicorn
Favorite Magical Place	Dumbledore's office
Favorite Weasley	Charlie
Favorite Pet	Crookshanks
Favorite Order Member	Lupin
Favorite Class	Defense against the Dark Arts
Favorite Wizarding Snack	Chocolate Frogs
Favorite Gryffindor Student	Neville Longbottom
Draco or Harry?	Harry
H/Hr or R/Hr?	I like my HP romance free
Snape or Lupin?	Lupin
Crookshanks or Scabbers?	Crookshanks
Hedwig or Pig?	Hedwig
Harry or Ron?	Harry
Crabbe or Goyle?	Goyle -cooler name
Canon/Fanon Draco?	Neither, he's a gnit
Canon/Fanon Snape?	Canon
D/Hr or D/G?	No/Romance
H/D or H/SS?	No/Romance
Your OTP?	Dumbledore and earwax jelly beans
Favorite Slytherin	Voldemort
Cho - annoying or not?	Annoying, useless, go away
*Fanfiction*
Do you write Fanfiction?	Not H/P
Do you read Fanfition?	Not H/P
Favorite Fanfiction?	Not H/P
Canon or Fanon?	Canon
One shot or Novel length?	Not H/P
Fluff or Angst?	Not H/P
Darkfic?	Not H/P
Very Powerful Harry?	Not H/P
Very Sexy Draco?	Not H/P
Gen, Het, or Slash?	Not H/P
Fanfiction Petpeeves?	Harry Potter Fanfiction
*Books*
Did you Cry when Cedric Died?	I felt a twinge, he was pretty brave
Did you cry when Sirius Died?	No
All time favorite part	Harry getting his wand it seems to start it ALL
Were you mad about the whole H/C mistake?	Huh?
Do you like Viktor Krum?	More then I do Cho Chang
Do you like Cho Chang?	Ah..no
Do you like Fluer?	More then I do Cho Chang
Do you like Cedric?	Yes
What did you think of the Prophecy?	In-ter-esting
Which characters need more development?	Ron
Did Harry pass his O.W.Ls in Potions?	Legally?
Will Harry die or survive at the end of book 7?	Die
Do you like the Marauders?	They definitely got the Karma Payback
Light side or dark side?	Light Side
Who do you think is the HBP?	Dumbledore
Who do you think will die in HBP?	Dumbledore
Who do you think Harry's new "love interest" is in HBP?	His wand
What do you think will be the "something huge" revealed about Lily Potter?	She used to be Voldemort's Girlfriend
Are you a Luna fan?	Nupe
Favorite Marauder?	Lupin
Is Harry going to be back on the quidditch team?	Of course
How well do you think Harry will cope with Sirius's death in HBP?	Pragmatically
Do you think Harry will be even more angry in HBP than in OotP?	No. Look what he lost being angry
Will Ron or Hermione die in either of the next 2 books?	No
How do you think Ron and Hermione will react when they find out about the prophecy?	Hermione will research, Ron will spiral to darkside
*Harry Potter Movies*
Do you like the movies as much as the books?	No
Hottest HP actor?	Alan Rickman
Do you think Emma Watson is too girly for Hermione?	No
What do you think of Ruperts long hair in GoF?	I don't?
Daniel Radcliffe or Rupert Grint?	Daniel Radcliffe
Chris Columbus or Alfonso?	Alfonso
Was the warewolf too bald?	Yes, ew
What scene did they leave out in the movie you wish they hadn't?	Harry getting his wand. That was a bad rewrite
Favorite movie moment?	Dueling School -Snape=Hot
Least favorite movie moment?	Flying on the Hipogryff in PoA
Favorite character in movie?	Dumbledore
Favorite Movie?	PoA
Was that how you imagined the basalisk?	No
Do you wish Richard Harris could still play Dumbledore?	Yes, because he was a favorite actor of mine
Do you think Snape is sexy?	Yes
Do you wish you looked like Emma Watson?	No
And for the lst question, how has Harry Potter changed your life?	It hasn't, really.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Mmmmm

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 02:55:42 GMT

Though I feel as if I should be loyal to the D.C. firework display I have to say the Boston Pops' Fourth of July is second to none.

Just...wow.

I'd be more pissed...if I had time to turn around.

Tue, 28 Jun 2005 02:45:45 GMT

So, where the hell to begin. Work, since that tends to suck up most of my life. Last year, as many of you who have read my journal for awhile know, was a bad year work wise. In the first of April my two immediate co-workers quit and then in October when I returned from maternity leave my supervisor quit. In effect my entire department dissolved around me and I was left holding a whole group of rather…fucked up bags.

By fucked up I mean accounts with hundreds of thousands of dollars of screw ups.

I had nothing to do with the fuck ups. I didn’t do them, I didn’t cause them but at the end of the day I had to stand up and take responsibility for them when I had to ask my superiors for permission to clean up the accounts. I did this. I stood up and said, ‘this is wrong it needs to be fixed’ rather then continuing to cover it up like my ex co-workers had done.

In the midst of this I was put on a learning curve that I could only fail upon. I was asked to perform duties above and beyond my skill set, not to mention my job description. None of my supervisors could help me. Hell, the one woman had no idea what functions my department even performed, the Controller was out on maternity leave herself and that left…huh… let me think here… oh yeah…

Me.

But I kept my smile. I retained my professional attitude all the while juggling the rigors of working motherhood –basically no sleep, which every new mother goes through- and I tried to maintain a positive outlook on my job and on my company.

And eventually a supervisor for my department was hired and things were supposed to get better. Only…not. Because when all is said and done my company has an extremely screwed up way of doing things. If there is a bass akwards, fucked up, round about, take 20 men to screw in a lightbulb approach to a problem…we’ll take it.

It’s stupid and it’s asinine and all you can do is smile and work with it.

So that’s what I’ve done.

And so we come to this year and the train wreck which is having your immediate supervisor at odds with the assistant controller and the controller. It’s ugly and it’s back biting and it fosters nothing but total ‘he said/she said’ bullshit and at this level? Its not a few moments of uncomfortable water cooler talk…its jobs on the line. Namely mine.

My job….which I don’t even honestly know what it is anymore. It keeps changing depending upon which horse management is on at any given…SECOND. And ultimately, management does this in an understand trick to get the people who management feels can’t cut it, out of the department. When I joined my department back in 2001 there had been 0 turn over in 4 years. In the past year there have been 10 people to quit. My department as a whole is maybe 25 people. I don’t even want to do the percentage. It’s depressing. Those of us who remain have made ourselves into fucking Gumby in order to deliver and deliver at a level, which gets commented upon throughout the company as a whole but within our own management? We’re never good enough.

We are NEVER told what we do right, but let us do something wrong and…whoa…we get tossed out there to handle it, without management even listening to why something happened. Basically they want us to step up and take initiative and then smack us around when that initiative doesn’t meet what they had in mind.

So back to this battle between my supervisor and her supervisors, it’s something which has been long coming but why the hell it had to come to a head over my evaluation???? Nugh. And when its all said and done my supervisor calls me in and basically tells me she is looking for a new job –oh and here is your evaluation by the way- and my supervisors supervisor has the audacity to call me in and be all like ‘oh it’s not about you personally.’

Really.

Hmm.

I’ve worked for my company since 2001. In that time I have never gotten less then a high effective evaluation with multiple promotions. This year I got a simple effective and my supervisor is telling me she had to fight with the upper ups to get me ‘that’.

Not about me personally.

Someone…somewhere…is lying.

Great feeling. To know that your management team is lying through it’s damn teeth and you can’t trust a single one of them.

And in the end? Through all this…my loyalty and my striving to be responsible and be positive and figure out all the shit thrown at me what did it gain me?

2.9%

2.9% and my supervisor in one ear feeding me one line and my other upper ups in the other ear feeding me the direct opposite line and there I am in the middle trying to produce work.

I really want to beat the living crap out of some people.

Pass the Gasoline

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 12:30:59 GMT

So I can safely say that there is no major aspect of my life which does not contain a certain level of extreme suck at this moment.

Family - My in-laws have completely and utterly forgotten my son's -their grandson's- first birthday. I honestly wasn't expecting a gift from them but ... no card, no call, nadda. Yeah, I can't wait to explain this little quirk to him as he grows up and becomes more aware. "Well you see Schmoo, the reason why Grandy and Pop get your cousins presents and cards and call on their birthdays and you get jipped is...." Yeah, guess I'm going to have to work on a good answer over the next couple of years.

Work- I'm being used as a pawn in a turf war between my immediate supervisor and her supervisor. Nothing will strip away your self-confidence quite like being told "well, I did your review but my supervisor didn't agree with what I said and wants it to be more critical." More critical.... well... I've been saying for a year that I was put in a position where the only thing I could hope to do was fail. No support from management, the workload of 4 people put on 1, work way beyond my qualifications -not to mention job description- thrown at me with little to no direction and the monumental fuck ups from my coworkers -who had the good sense to quit- being laid at my doorstep and I've had to step up and take responsibility for shit poor work that wasn't mine to begin with. Yeah...feels oh so good.

My escape -AKA on-line writing/RP- Yeah.... only thing to be said here is datenshiblue hug me, I feel like a piece of shit.

Sometimes you just want to take the gasoline, throw it across the bridges and light a match

Going to go lay down, cry hysterically and try to resist the urge.

In my on going war against Psychologists

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 20:04:31 GMT

Turn back now if you are easilly offended on behalf of therapists.

Have you ever noticed that the suffix of the word Therapist is Rapist?

Bonne Whap

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 15:25:14 GMT

::Whaps datenshiblue::

You're a bad influence.

:P~~~

Schmoo

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 19:08:37 GMT

Okay, question to those of you who... well... know what you're doing on-line. :) How can I upload pictures of Schmoo to my LJ????

Dons Asbestos

Fri, 21 Jan 2005 18:53:58 GMT

Yeah, I know I'm going to catch it for this but... OMG someone remove this person from the gene pool before he reproduces. I can't even begin to map out the level of whining, non-responsibility taking soooopppiiidddiitttyy this represents. Honestly!

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/01/21/homework.suit.ap/index.html

Just for Fun

Tue, 18 Jan 2005 20:15:19 GMT

On a whim, I've decided to have a fun little ramble in my LJ. This ramble is in no way a great balanced essay but more a squeeeing of fangirlishness so it's cut for those of you who might want to wander onwards.

For the rest of you, what follows is my fangirling over a cannon pairing that I've adored for...wow 6 years now.

So, I’ve been enjoying a West Wing on DVD kick over this past weekend while Husband and Schmoo went down to visit In-Laws and I was restruck by how some unique factors came together in that show to present the viewing audience with one of what I consider to be, the most unique relationships ever portrayed on Prime Time Television.

I don’t know if I’ve waxed poetic on the cannon relationship between the President and the Chief of Staff but, if I haven’t I think I will now. Please bear in mind I’m saying the cannon relationship between them, not the fun slashy relationship that is written in fanon.

As I said, a group of factors came together in the development of what we have gotten to see on the television. First of all there is of course the writing. Aaron Sorkin may have many faults –coughnotgettingascripttogetheruntilthe13thhourcouch- but he did write up one hell of a rich dynamic when he wrote for Jed Bartlett and Leo McGarry.

He built these two characters who have such a rich history together, such a depth of friendship and innate understanding that I was caught by it on the second episode. The second episode!!! None of this needing a season or two for it to flesh out, it jumped right off the screen by the Second episode. Of course, helping it jump off the screen are the amazing talents of Martin Sheen and John Spencer.

It’s my understanding that these two actors, though long in the same circles had never really experienced acting against one another or even knowing each other as more then passing nods before the West Wing came along. But, not long after the West Wing started filming they took to each other like ducks to water and that friendship, married to a shared ability to say more with a look then most of their costars can do with dialogue and you were on your way to gold.

Add into the mix a parade of directing talent who knew well enough to stand back, give the actors their heads and just let the scene roll rather then over styling it and…whamo all three elements were in place.

Sorkin never shied away from writing lines like,

“Leo, you want to believe the best in people and I love you for that…”

“He loves the team, I love him so much.”

And MS and JS never shied away from delivering those lines with so much heart and subtly of feeling that you can’t help but hope that at some point in your life you’ll have a friend like that. And of course, the kiss in the premier episode of season 2. I never found out if that was scripted or a spur of the moment move between MS and JS but whichever I think it’s probably written it’s own little place in television history.

While the cannon relationship between Jed and Leo does not open itself as readily to the slashy goodness that many of us enjoy in our anime, it is interesting to note that in just using cannon for backup, that an argument could be made that the friendship love that runs between these two men is even deeper then the sexual love they share with their wives.

Take Leo in the first season. He gives up his wife in order to run Jed’s White House. In order to be there to support Jed. Once you’ve seen the scene it’s impossible to forget the dialogue,

“This was important.”
“Not more important then our marriage.”
“Yes, yes more important then our marriage. At this time, this is more important then our marriage.”

And so Leo’s marriage is dissolved. Now as for Jed and his wife Abbey, well… it’s rather hard to override Stockard Channing’s Abbey but you get the idea that Jed is such a force of a personality, so high strung and so driven that in many ways Abbey and Leo have shared the responsibility of supporting Jed emotionally for over 40 years. That if either of them (Abbey or Leo) tried to do the job alone, Jed’s personality would have sucked them dry years ago. It takes both of them in the same capacity emotionally and mentally to give Jed what he needs.

In fact throughout all the changes the show has seen in writers and in plots over the past 6 seasons that is one very subtle balance that hasn’t changed. Even though the actions of the job have caused Abbey to be professionally furious with Leo, even though Abbey has also had personal reasons to be angry with Leo and visa versa they have never stopped balancing Jed between the two of them.

When Jed explodes with Abbey in the first Season, it’s Leo who smacks him down and reminds him that he will be sending flowers to his wife.

When Abbey is so angry with Jed and Leo in the fifth season and Jed is suffering from her cold absence, it’s Leo who steps into the lions mouth, takes the hit for Jed and asks Abbey to come back, tells her Jed needs her.

When Leo’s ex-wife remarries, it’s Jed and Abbey who pointedly make the decision not to attend the wedding –as invited- instead spending the weekend with Leo.

And most recently, it’s Abbey who, when Jed is in a blind panic about loosing Leo and is blinding himself to reality of the situation, tells Jed, “You have got to keep him (Leo) away from the Chief of Staff job or he will kill himself for you.”

And even then it’s only when Leo supports Abbey’s words that Jed realizes he has to let go.

I’ve always enjoyed the West Wings Jed/Leo dynamic and have actually yapped about it at length in other West Wing specific forums but it’s been a real treat to sit down with all the episodes at my fingertips and go through the moments back to back to back. It’s been a treat to weigh the words Sorkin wrote and to study the subtle looks, the subtle touches and the way MS and JS played Jed and Leo as comfortable getting into each other’s personal spaces.

Given the predictability of American TV it really is a fresh of breath air to come across a writer who was not afraid to write a close male/male friendship without the awkwardness seen in so many other ‘masculine’ dramas. And the West Wing was doubly blessed to have two older school actors who just as easily could have balked against the types but who were comfortable enough to play it with the depth it deserved.

Played it to a level that one of their Co-Stars, Allison Janney –who plays CJ Cregg- had the best thing to say about it in an interview once. When asked about the lack of romance on the West Wing she laughed and pointed out,

“What are you talking about? The West Wing depicts one of the greatest romances ever written for television. The love affair between Bartlett and McGarry.”

Memememememememe

Sun, 16 Jan 2005 22:27:18 GMT

Tugged from jupiterjones

L	Lively
A	Ambivalent
E	Enjoyable
K	Kinky
I	Industrious
N	Naughty

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

::Grins:: I love it!

Meme!

Thu, 06 Jan 2005 12:50:26 GMT

Borrowed from jadeemperor

You scored as Athemyst. Like the healing and symbolic properties of the amethyst you have a strong and clear mind. Blessed with an inner calm and peace you are not one to break and fall mentally. Being such a clear minded person, assuming you are one ;-), you may possibly have some strong psychic links.

See All Results/Comment

</td>

Athemyst

77%

Aquamarine

73%

Emerald

63%

Topaz

63%

Garnet

63%

Peridot

57%

Celestite

43%

Ruby

40%

Which Mystic Gem Stone Relates To You?
created with QuizFarm.com

::Chuckles::

I liked this result and the last line in particular struck a cord at the moment.

In my more fanciful moments I wonder about the existance of empathy, given my ability with horses and animals in general and also given my sensitivity to environment and the moods of the people around me.

But awhile ago I read a book called "Healing the Child Within" which is about grown children of substance dependent parents -alcoholics, drug addicts, etc- and I realized that what I like to fancifully consider as empathy is in truth more of a survival instinct from having grown up with a drug dependant parent.

You grow up learning to notice the signs, the body language, tone of voice, look in the eye...almost like scenting the air before a storm and you learn to respond accordingly. Usually an attempt to diffuse the situation and when that fails...duck and cover! Since you grow up with this, it becomes second nature and you're not even aware you're doing it...thus... empathy. :)

Why is this all coming up? Well, here at work we're under a great deal of stress and pressure and I've really been feeling the strain above and beyond what is my own. Reading this little meme I realize now that I'm responding to the stress and tension in my coworkers as well as my own load of crap.

So... I like my little meme result...kinda wish it really was empathy that was the cause, that's a much more romantic ideal then the reality.

Meme - Since it's been awhile

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 14:50:24 GMT

Tugged from Bonnie i.e. Datenshiblue :)

A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:

(B) I want everyone who reads this (and feels like it ;)) to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.

(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.

Open Mouth Insert Foot

Wed, 03 Nov 2004 18:59:49 GMT

>Quietly grinding teeth<

Alright, I'm reading some things that I'm finding serious offensive and what's sad is they're comments on my friend's journals.

I've just now considered defriending the journals with the offending material in them but that wouldn't be fair to the journal owners as they are innocent in this.

I've considered saying something in response to the comments but I don't want to inflict the fall-out bitchfest on my poor friend's journals.

So suffice to say, in my opinion some people need to step back and watch their mouths because they are dangerously close to offending people who are already touchy enough about the election. Or, if they really feel that strongly, they could at least extend everybody the courtesy of keeping their more controversial comments to their own LJ where people who already know they don't agree with their opinions could keep away from material that they find distressing.

A little thoughtfulness people can go a hell of a long way.

So High and then so low

Thu, 28 Oct 2004 13:29:53 GMT

I am depressed.

Not a little blue, not a little down in the dumps, I’m talking full course, didn’t want to get out of bed, don’t want to be talked to depressed.

I recognize this depression not because I’m ‘sad’ but because I feel too numb to do or care about anything. My depression is a form of…nothingness, like sitting in an empty room in silence. It’s like everything that makes me me goes off line for a little bit and I’m left a zombie, moving through my day, a physical presence but lacking the emotional energy which makes me a person.

I want nothing more then to go home, sit on the floor and pet a cat. The very thought of trying to interact with my coworkers just makes me feel exhausted. I can’t concentrate on anything. Right now I am in the middle of such chaos both personal and professional that it would take me hours to try to explain why I feel like I feel and in the end…right now it’s just not worth the effort.

I read somewhere that a study had found that in a lot of cases it was anxious people who committed suicide, not so much depressed people because a depressed person couldn’t find the energy to off themselves. Don’t know how accurate that statement is but I can say it makes sense to me at the moment. I don’t know that I’d… fight to survive…at the moment but at the same time I can’t say I have the energy to actively seek out ways to off myself. Besides…I’d probably screw it up and end up in an even bigger mess then I am right now.

So, I’ll wait for it to pass. Do what I can to remain ‘normal’ in the eyes of the world and wait for the emotional ties to reengage.

Wed, 27 Oct 2004 12:41:51 GMT

I don't do these often anymore but for this moment of space and time at work this meme snagged from Stormcloude is dead on. ::snicker::

Which File Extension are You?

And Life Rambles onwards

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 14:33:02 GMT

So, life has once again taken one of its unexpected turns. My supervisor called myself and the young man who works with us as a temp into her office about a week ago and announced that she was leaving for another position.

I certainly cannot fault her decision. I’m currently working on what could charitably be called a sinking ship. By 2006 I don’t expect my job to still be here but by 2006 I’m hoping that my husband and Schmoo will be moving to another state so I’m not as concerned about this as my supervisor. However, her timing is less then perfect.

This past Sunday my supervisor’s supervisor had her second child. All congratulations to her and her family of course but this means she will be gone for the next three months. I’ve suddenly found myself further up the work ladder with no net beneath me then I’m entirely comfortable being to be honest. Gone are the supports and guiding hands of people who know my shy self and who have helped me learn on the job.

It’s actually kinda like going back to that first year in college. No more parents who love you regardless of your mishaps, no more comfortable high school where teachers have known you for four or more years and are aware of your strengths and weaknesses, no more comfort zones. It’s out into the wild world, do or die…only now instead of risking a grade of F I’m risking my reputation as an employee and also the reporting accuracy of my job in my company.

To say that I’m a little freaked is putting it lightly. I could easily see myself putting in 10-12 hour days except that is no longer an option. I have a baby Schmoo waiting for me to pick him up from daycare and we’re already pushing the 10hr per day in daycare limit that is set by the state. My husband’s job is similarly in a state of flux where he could also be at work for 10-12 hours and it’s causing both of us stress as we not only try to balance two full-time jobs and a Schmoo but two DEMANDING full-time jobs and a Schmoo!

And we’re heading into the holidays. Luckily we’d already put out the word that Husband, Schmoo and I are not going anywhere for Thanksgiving. We’re going to have a small celebration on our own at home rather then trying to travel with the rest of the herd and being rushed because it’s a bad time in the month for my work schedule. However, that leaves Christmas.

Back before Schmoo was born, plans were made for my husband and I to go down to my parent’s house for the holiday. This way Schmoo would get a fire in a fireplace a big tree and all the little treats that just aren’t practical in a condo environment. My husband and I have made no secret of our plans and our reasons for them. Now, this past weekend my husband was talking to his mother who mentioned that they were going to be coming up our way to visit my sister-in-law and her family for Christmas. Now my sister-in-law (my husband’s sister) has said that she and her family were not going to travel for Christmas, which makes sense given that it’s her adopted little one’s first Christmas with his new family.

So, my husband was talking to his mother and she asked about our Christmas plans and when my husband explained that we’d be going South as she was coming North on the actual day her response was a sullen.

“Oh, well I guess we just won’t see you for Christmas then.”

::Face-Palm::

I think I’ve explained in previous posts that my sister-in-law through no fault of her own (she’s a wonderful sis-in-law and I wouldn’t trade her for the world) is the golden child in her mother’s eye while my husband comes in a dull second. It seems that this attitude is also going to expand to the grandchildren as well, which is something I had long ago said I wouldn’t tolerate. Maybe I’m unreasonable to expect that a more positive response might have been,

“Oh, well…how does the weekend before or after Christmas look for us to get together to exchange gifts?”

I don’t know, I just know it sets my teeth on edge. Maybe I’m feeling particularly persnickety because the actual point of the call to my In-laws was to ask them about some pictures we’d had done of Schmoo. We had gone and gotten some professional shots taken of Schmoo and for the record Schmoo is a HAM. He loved the camera, smiled and beamed for every single shot and only howled when we took him away from the camera. Personally I think the photographs are wonderful and I’ve been supported in this sentiment by strangers and co-workers who have cooed over them.

When we sent them over e-mail to my parents my mother absolutely fell in love with them and we had a nice conversation talking about the different shots and Schmoo in each pictures. I asked my parents what sort of copies they wanted since we were getting a good sale price on the sheets and ordered accordingly. My husband sent the pictures to his folks with the same question.

Their response?

“Oh, we printed out some 4x6 copies from the computer and those are fine for us.”

………..

I know that this is just the way they are. I know that in their eyes it’s a question of why pay money for something you can do yourself. I know that Schmoo is their 4th grandchild where as he’s my parents’ first and only but at the same time I can’t help feeling like we got a smack in the face. I had been planning on putting one of the pictures in a frame we bought for them for Christmas but now I’m not so certain I want to even bother.

My in-laws always like to say Oh don’t bother getting us anything for Christmas, we don’t need anything. And this year I’m tempted to say, Okay, here’s your lint ball, enjoy. But that so goes against my Christmas spirit, still if my mother in law is going to try laying out her guilt trips and these other little PITA acts I’m quite tempted to wash my hands of it and say, Put any gifts you have for Schmoo in the mail and we’ll take some pictures for you to print out of his opening them.

::Sighs::

It’s what I’d like to do but hopefully it won’t come down to something like that. Schmoo deserves better and I hate the idea of him being little more than an after thought for my in-laws, as it appears he is going to turn out to be. How do you explain to a child why his grandmother loves his cousins more then she does him? How can you make a child understand that he’s being punished, not for anything he’s done but for the simple fact that he was fathered by a second child who isn’t as loved or respected as the first?

Oh well, enough of dwelling on that. Schmoo will get to have a good Christmas being the apple of his maternal grandparents’ eye. He’ll get a fire in the fireplace, a tall tree to decorate and coo at, a stocking full of Schmoo treats, a visit from Santa and of course, he’ll get read “The Night Before Christmas” because I’m a traditional sap that way!

In the meantime, he’s mastering sitting up –he’s only 4 months old, yeesh!- and is already sucking back a nighttime rice cereal bottle like it was going out of style. He’s had, and fought off his first cold of the season and has discovered that if you just poke the toy tractor long enough you’ll eventually hit the button that makes it light up and play a little tune! Even more fun then poking the toy tractor is chewing on it and he’s decided –bless his little heart- that he is a night owl like Mum. He despises getting woken up in the morning and will usually conk back out in the car and then sleep at daycare until 9am.

And I believe that is the extent of the rambling for the time being! More updates as things progress and time allows. In the meantime, everybody have a safe and wonderful October and enjoy All Hallow’s Eve

Fic Update and Conclusion!

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 13:45:29 GMT

::Big hugs for Bonne datenshiblue::

And I direct everyone to check out Bonne's seasonal halloween theme LJ. It's creepy and adorable all at the same time! I love it. :D

Well, we are now at the end of Degree of Seperation. Posted are the last chapter and my loverly co-writers fantastic epilogue. (For those of you who wanted a peek inside Muraki's head? The epilogue is for you!)

Bonne and I are discussing the possibility of one more story in the Chaotic Alliance series, it's just a matter of my schedule giving us the time to get together and do it! In the meantime I hope that you have all enjoyed the Muraki x Watari ride as much as Bonne and I enjoyed writing it!!

PS and if you did, we'd love to hear from you!!!! :D

Ch. 11
http://www.no-assumptions.com/gundamwing/fics/ynm-degrees11.htm

Epilogue
http://www.no-assumptions.com/gundamwing/fics/ynm-degrees12.htm

Degree of Seperation Update

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 13:20:47 GMT

::Glomps on Bonne datenshiblue::

Bonne just so totally rocks my world! She has once again gotten the next chapter of Degree of Seperation edited and posted.

It can be found here http://www.no-assumptions.com/gundamwing/fics/ynm-degrees10.htm with the rest of the story and it's prequel at Love and Gundams.

As always, please read the warnings and heed the warnings!

Katcom is also generous enough to be hosting these two stories. katsue_fox when you're feeling better and up for it chapter 10 is ready and waiting for you. ::Warm huggles::

Schmoo says "Hi!" At least I think that's what some of those vocalizations mean! :D