I'd be more pissed...if I had time to turn around.


So, where the hell to begin. Work, since that tends to suck up most of my life. Last year, as many of you who have read my journal for awhile know, was a bad year work wise. In the first of April my two immediate co-workers quit and then in October when I returned from maternity leave my supervisor quit. In effect my entire department dissolved around me and I was left holding a whole group of rather…fucked up bags.

By fucked up I mean accounts with hundreds of thousands of dollars of screw ups.

I had nothing to do with the fuck ups. I didn’t do them, I didn’t cause them but at the end of the day I had to stand up and take responsibility for them when I had to ask my superiors for permission to clean up the accounts. I did this. I stood up and said, ‘this is wrong it needs to be fixed’ rather then continuing to cover it up like my ex co-workers had done.

In the midst of this I was put on a learning curve that I could only fail upon. I was asked to perform duties above and beyond my skill set, not to mention my job description. None of my supervisors could help me. Hell, the one woman had no idea what functions my department even performed, the Controller was out on maternity leave herself and that left…huh… let me think here… oh yeah…

Me.

But I kept my smile. I retained my professional attitude all the while juggling the rigors of working motherhood –basically no sleep, which every new mother goes through- and I tried to maintain a positive outlook on my job and on my company.

And eventually a supervisor for my department was hired and things were supposed to get better. Only…not. Because when all is said and done my company has an extremely screwed up way of doing things. If there is a bass akwards, fucked up, round about, take 20 men to screw in a lightbulb approach to a problem…we’ll take it.

It’s stupid and it’s asinine and all you can do is smile and work with it.

So that’s what I’ve done.

And so we come to this year and the train wreck which is having your immediate supervisor at odds with the assistant controller and the controller. It’s ugly and it’s back biting and it fosters nothing but total ‘he said/she said’ bullshit and at this level? Its not a few moments of uncomfortable water cooler talk…its jobs on the line. Namely mine.

My job….which I don’t even honestly know what it is anymore. It keeps changing depending upon which horse management is on at any given…SECOND. And ultimately, management does this in an understand trick to get the people who management feels can’t cut it, out of the department. When I joined my department back in 2001 there had been 0 turn over in 4 years. In the past year there have been 10 people to quit. My department as a whole is maybe 25 people. I don’t even want to do the percentage. It’s depressing. Those of us who remain have made ourselves into fucking Gumby in order to deliver and deliver at a level, which gets commented upon throughout the company as a whole but within our own management? We’re never good enough.

We are NEVER told what we do right, but let us do something wrong and…whoa…we get tossed out there to handle it, without management even listening to why something happened. Basically they want us to step up and take initiative and then smack us around when that initiative doesn’t meet what they had in mind.

So back to this battle between my supervisor and her supervisors, it’s something which has been long coming but why the hell it had to come to a head over my evaluation???? Nugh. And when its all said and done my supervisor calls me in and basically tells me she is looking for a new job –oh and here is your evaluation by the way- and my supervisors supervisor has the audacity to call me in and be all like ‘oh it’s not about you personally.’

Really.

Hmm.

I’ve worked for my company since 2001. In that time I have never gotten less then a high effective evaluation with multiple promotions. This year I got a simple effective and my supervisor is telling me she had to fight with the upper ups to get me ‘that’.

Not about me personally.

Someone…somewhere…is lying.

Great feeling. To know that your management team is lying through it’s damn teeth and you can’t trust a single one of them.

And in the end? Through all this…my loyalty and my striving to be responsible and be positive and figure out all the shit thrown at me what did it gain me?

2.9%

2.9% and my supervisor in one ear feeding me one line and my other upper ups in the other ear feeding me the direct opposite line and there I am in the middle trying to produce work.

I really want to beat the living crap out of some people.